Follow your own crazy path

Our paths are designed for us individually. We all weren't meant to have the same path, obstacles, experiences, talents, and personalities. We are different for a reason. Don't compare your path to another's path who seems less bumpy. Trust me, their path may appear as just a smooth Sunday drive, but it has bumps, boulders, and cliffs. They may not be the same ones you have, but they have them. Their paths are leading them to where they are meant to be, just as yours is leading you. One of my favorite quotes is by Steven Furtick and he says, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlights reel." 

So follow your own crazy path. Not the one your friends think you should take, the one your parents planned for or the 'practical' one. Yours. 

I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even 6 months ago. I am so grateful for that, so grateful that my path has included bumps, turns and boulders. That path has led me to who I am now. In the wise words of Rafiki, "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the from way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it. " Thanks to the bumps,  I am a better person than before. 

Until next time,
I can't wait to see where my crazy path will take me

Love Always,
Alex 

To the craziest lady I know.

Dear crazy lady,

     Yes you blasting Eminem with your head out the windows. You are the craziest lady I know. I know you aren't always on time, say "14" and "Javiers" wrong, you don't have a clue about college, are computer handicap and convinced me when I was little that you were from the moon. But guess what? I don't care that you don't know much about college or are lacking computer skills. I don't care that I now too say "14" wrong. I'm still working on getting over the 'from the moon' idea. That, I will admit, was scary as a 5 year old ha. I even don't care that you fall asleep during ballets. I actually find it really funny. I love it. I love those things about you. I love how awful you sing along with me in car (me singing just as awful). I love that you swerve to miss cats put then end up hitting them anyways even though it was already dead. I love that you walk into automatic doors and think alien "testicules" are cute (hahahha still laughing) I love that you walk at turbo speed, make homemade birthday cakes, wave to bikers and dance awkwardly. I love that you let me grow up into what I wanted. You let me make my own choices. I was never forced to choose a certain path or make a certain choice. You never grounded me. You never gave me a curfew. You simply just taught me to be a good person. So when I had to make the choice, I'd choose the right one. And when I wouldn't. When  I'd screw up, you've taught me to recover. Get back up and try and do better. You let me make the choice to be a good person. I know you wish you could do more for me. But what you've done for me is far greater than any amount of dance classes you could have given me. You've shaped a leader, an honest person, a hard worker, a forgiving person, and a unique soul.   Whatever success I achieve, I owe to you. I am forever grateful for the person you have helped me become. And know what? You are crazy. But please mom, never stop being odd in the most wondrous of ways.

Until  next time,
Yes, I am 18 and made your card with glitter glue.
Love always,
alex

And we find we're right where we need to be.

This year hasn't been what I intended nor expected, but it's lead me to who I am and where I am suppose to be. I'm with J.K. Rowling when she said "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." Rough things and hard times, although unnoticed at the time, have a way of refining us. They can make us better than we once were and unafraid of the future challenges. I can't seem to find the word for it, but honestly, they make us strong. They make us more alive. The only decision that we have to make when a challenge smacks us in face, is whether we let it build us up or break us down. The dark times only made the light shine so  much brighter for me when it came. When I laugh I feel it in my soul and I smile till my finger tips feel it. I hug tighter, listen more, smile bigger, laugh harder, feel more. I'm more aware, open and free. I'm more alive. I'm more me.
And I have the rough things and the hard times to thank for that.
Until next time,
I'm not exactly sure where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring :)
Love always,
alex

Dear Everyone,

just sit for a moment and listen to this song 

        and remember why you won't give up.   

Until next time,
I'm still looking up. Always look up. :)
Love always,
alex

I'm all for believing

Sleepy topic of tonight: Believe.

     I lost myself when I stopped believing. I gave in, gave up, and caved in. I didn't want to believe in anything because I didn't want to be let down. I didn't want to hold on to anyone because I didn't want them to leave. When you don't believe in anything, when you are not content with where you are but you don't dare to reach for something or someone better because you don't believe or have hope that it can be better, you start to cut yourself off from life. I don't want to live that way. I'd rather believe and have it for a moment and lose it- than to never have had believed in it or had it all. I'm alive. It's bout' time I start acting like it.Want to know what I believe in?

I believe in: 

Despite those that did leave, some stay. Even if one day they do leave, I believe in the now.

Possibility. Not guarantee. 

Working hard and staying humble.
Forgiveness.
Being a good person for the sake of being a good person.
Miracles.
Obstacles. And overcoming them.
Love. Bring it, my heart is ready for it.
Risks.
I believe there is something far greater inside me than any challenge that appears to stands in my way.

     So here it goes. I am believing. You know though, I would really love this time not to have all this believing come crashing down on me. Please? ha. But even if it does crash down, even if I believe in something and it doesn't happen or someone leaves, I will still keep on believing. I will not numb myself to life anymore. It takes some work, so give me time, but I'm promising myself right here and now that I will believe and open up to every opportunity that comes my way. 


Until next time,
Life is what we make it. Always has been. Always will be. I'll always believe that.
Love always,
alex

Happy Birthday Court, don't fret we said no matter what!

 This post. This is for me. I don't expect anyone to read it. I don't expect anyone to understand it if they do read it. It's for me, so that I never forget. I never want to forget. 

Hey best friend. I miss you. Don't be scared that I don't, because I do. Don't be scared that someone else will fill your role, because they can't. Don't worry, don't fret. We said no matter what. While everything changed, that will always stay the same. I remember your birthday last year so perfectly. Me and Skyler wanted to throw you a surprise party because you wanted one really bad. But Corbett said that he was so we let him. (Bad idea!) It ended up you walking in to just me and Corbett sitting there. To make it up Me and Byron were planning a surprise party for you November 25th, 2011. We thought it would really surprise you. I'm so sorry that it never happened. I am so sorry that the slideshow I was suppose to make for your 19th birthday ended up being your funeral slideshow. ANYWAYS back to your birthday last year, I made you a pudding pyramid. (Byron found that card I gave you just the other day, I read it. I cried. Then read it again.) Corbett made nasty kool aid. We went to Dennys and some other 'place' ha I sat in the car with Kenzie and her middle name while you were apparently trying to get Corbett to date me. I will forever be confused as to why that I was brought up then and in the 'place'. hahaha only you Court. Cried to you and Dylan on the way home and even on your birthday you took care of me. Thank you. It's funny some of the things I miss.
Like:

Having someone to go to the bathroom with my in public places. Being the only girl in the group is real lonely sometimes. Most of the time. A lot. AND I have no one to pick out underwear with or compare butt sizes. Or laugh at the boys girlfriends. I miss us being the pair. 


I miss your weird voices. Seahorses. well yeah. Come on lil Alex. HEEEELLLLO. waffflaffle laffle laffle laffle. Hate to admit this one but I miss your 'Byyyyyrrooon!!' call/whine. ha and your awfully awesome swear combos. 


I miss the things we never got to do. We never watched the titanic. Or make that cake in that cookbook. I never got to be your bridesmaid. Or go on that road trip we planned with those cool water parks. Stuff like that. 

I miss the things you would convince me do. Like help you apply for jobs and writing your essays. Asking boys on dates. ha I even the bad ideas, like you miss you trying to get me to make out with a kid in corn maze. And watching the exorcist.


I miss you tricking me into eating shortening, almost burning your house on fire and ruining the santa oven mit, throwing you into the pillow bins at walmart, looking for your phone, complimenting 'my shirt', calling me from work in the bathroom stall, asking which ways left, rolls, stinky feet, sneaking our peas to the dogs, painting our nails cause 'that's what girls do at sleepovers right?!' staying up crying, you standing up for me and telling me I would most defiantly win that fight, I miss everything. 

Remember that note you left me about deer and jello and how we'd always be sisters whether you married my helpless brother or not? We said no matter what happened we'd always be sister. NO MATTER WHAT!!

Until next time, 
Happy Birthday Court.
Love always, 
Your boo. Forever your sister. No matter what. 

Ten things I want to tell teenage girls.

I am a teenage girl. So don't look at me like I don't know what teenage girls deal with these days. Or whatever. I'm right there with them. And I'm telling you now, some of these teenage girls are stupid. Don't be stupid! ha :) But really... I have a few words for teenage girls:


1. Don't let a guy MAKE or BREAK you. You are marvelous just by yourself. So know yourself and love yourself before you try loving someone else. If  you are lacking the confidence and surety of knowing who you are and you think finding a guy will fill the empty spot, you're wrong. Nothing can replace love and self respect to oneself. If a guy comes along who appreciates and values your worth, let him get to know you, that you that you know and love. And you respect him in return. Don't take that good kid for a ride. Don't expect a respectful guy to keep you around if you aren't being a respectful gal.       

2. I don't want to see your boobies!! If you think you are going to get attention for that, you are right. Attention from guys who like to look down girls shirts. You want a guy that is going to look down all of the girls shirts? Fabulous, you are on the right track, keep it up champ! You want respect? Put them boobies away.

3. Don't try and be something you are not. Just don't. You could never play a role better than yourself. You have standards and beliefs? Keep them. Stay true to yourself. Don't sell out to the things of the world.

4. Own up to your own mistakes. We all screw up. When it's you, save everyone (including yourself) the trouble and just own up, apologize, and try and do better.  Don't lie to cover it up, and don't lie to yourself. When you lie to yourself you start to create your own version of the truth. It'll mess shiz the fudge up. Just be straight up honest with yourself and others.

5. Don't jeopardize what you want in the future, for what is convenient right now.  You won't marry the man of your dreams if you keep dating dirtbags. You won't reach your goals if you aren't continually making the effort to achieve it. You won't be the person you want to be if you aren't making the changes need to become that person. You have to work for it. All good things to those who get up and do something about what they want. They go after it. Day after day, week after week, month after month. Most lasting good things do not happen instantly.

6. It's facebook not Dr. Phil. It wouldn't kill you to post something positive every now and then. And if you have a REAL issue with someone, talk it out with them to their face. Only cowards try to start or end crap via facebook.

7. Don't play dumb. It's not cute. It's okay to let people help you and it's okay to ask questions. It's not okay to dumb yourself up to get attention. You have talents, be proud of them.

8.  Don't let comparison drag you down. Comparing yourself to others, I think can sometimes be beneficial. You see someone who is nice to everyone, and maybe you are kinda bitter and intolerant at times towards people so you think 'I want to be more like them.' and you make a goal to be more like that. Or you're in dance class and someone can leap higher than you and you compare yourself to that to make you better. That is good comparison, it lifts you up and makes you better. Bad comparison, such as 'ugh she is so prettier than me. I will never be that pretty.' it BAD comparison. It's bringing you down. So never compare, unless it's making you better. Deal? Do we all understand?

9. Raves=dumb. Do you realize how ridiculous that makes you look? Same goes with any kind of drug or alcohol.


10. You have power. You have amazing gifts, talents, and strengths. Don't forget about them. And don't let anyone EVER tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone dull your shine. Got it?

Until next time,
Just don't be stupid!
Love always,
alex :)